Patio Cafe Orchestra

Ric off of that Artrocker website asked us to write a little feature about a band what influenced us. We did. Here it be:

http://www.artrocker.tv/features/article/fanbase-7-the-patio-set-on-the-penguin-cafe-orchestra

Beet Roots and Leaves

Check out these cheeky snaps of PatioSetUK's featured reader's wife, Gareth John.

He'll be telling you a little bit about how to make Beetroot Soup. Needless to say he can beet/beat our soup whenever he wants. ROFL. Or our roots for that matter.

(having only taken photos of the second half of my venture, you will have to imagine the first half. I've also forgotten the ingredients, so you'll have to imagine those too)




So, by now you will be boiling your ingredients over a heat with water on them.


Ensure that they remain so.




Take out your pickled gherkins and, bear with me...


HA



Stir in with GOATS' CHEESE until the two are mixed.



It looks shit, but that's cos I ain't got a good camera. In the light of day the rich, anaemic greens of the gherkins and the dull grey of the cheese are a feast for the eyes. Not just the stomach.


Return to your hot canister of INGREDIENTS and turn the hot air underneath it off.



Put it in one of these and, at this point, forget to take anyt photographs. This will ensure that the most exciting part of your evening (read: week) will not be documented.

The lid of your thing should look like this





Then simply pour it all in to nice Ikea bowls that your landlord bought and put the weird cheese and gherkin thing in.



Cloak your soup in shadow and consume with what looks like the end of a snooker cue.

I hope this helps!!!

Review

Morning. For those who didn't make it down last Thursday, here's what pop zine Artrocker thought about it:

"The Patio Set finish up with an uncompromising set of hardcore tunes. The band are dedicated to unpredictability; one minute parading pretty guitar lines and the next drilling deep into the venue floor with tough, remorseless riffs.

Songs such as 'Highgate Owl Nightmare' pull off the trick of inviting you in, only to stomp on your brains with heaviness. It may be tough love, but once you accept that you'll probably have tinnitus for the rest of your life, the hyperactivity is truly addictive."

http://www.artrocker.tv/reviews/article/the-unkindness-of-ravens-the-patio-set-the-unhappy-birthday-club-london

Bet you wish you'd come now. No tinnitus for you.

And for memorabilia fans, here's our set list from the night:

A seasonal message from Sir Michael Ram - Director of Patio Industries

My dear colleagues

What a terrific year it's been for Patio Industries.

The company has enjoyed sustained growth in all markets quarter-on-quarter for the first time in its history, so I’d like to take this opportunity to look back on 2008 and everything that happened.

The year started well with Kinky Ringtone’s unforgettable single Don’t Stop the Music; it Isn’t All That Late By Most People’s Standards, Especially for a Saturday storming clubs from Shoreditch High Street to Old Street. This generated some much-needed publicity for the label and gave us our first underground hit since The Bipolar Bears’ track No Ecstasy (You’re Not My Brother; I’ve Never Met You Before) way back in the 3rd summer of love, 1998.

Spring saw the much-anticipated release of The Gay Deceivers’ Best Of compilation, reminding us of gems such as Shit Ur Titz Off, It’s the Gay Deceivers!!! and Peter. With 2008 being such a big year for reunion tours, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before we can coax the boys back together. I heard that Davy Gay’s cheese crop failed this year, so he may need those nostalgia dollars! Just kidding, Davy’s doing fine.

On a personal note, this year also saw the birth of my first child, back in July. I’m pleased to say that little Sally Ram has grown into a stout young thing and with her impressive vocal chords, we’ll make a screamo-punk out of her yet! Just kidding, I would hate that.

2008 was also a big year for our label super-group The Patio Set. The brainchild of a late night on the Kahlua for me and Gary John, The Patio Set brought together members of four of our less successful acts – The Hipster Slacks, Art Deco Gecko, The Council of Despair and Sable Corndog – and pushed them through the door marked ‘Prog’. We’re very proud of what The Patio Set have achieved this year and look forward to them actually recording something sometime next year.

Last week’s Seasonal Festive Celebration at the Boom Bar rounded the year off in fine Patio Industries style, with a really stonking DJ set from Alan Allah Mode, and even a few tracks chosen by Yours Truly.

So in summary, thanks for all your hard work this year, and let’s look forward to a profitable 2009! As you know, my door is always open to those with a scheduled appointment and Sarah and I would love to see any of you for a glass of port over the holidays.

Warmest regards

Sir Michael Ram

Drummer Patio's OFFICIAL! top 5 albums of 2008

1. TV on the Radio - Dear Science

The sound of post 9/11 urban alienation mixed with hope for a brighter future after Bush, apparently.

Or is it just some great guitar music that you can also dance to? I like this a lot, especially the line about having "the mirror call the cops" because things have got so damn nasty in the bedroom. However, I've only had it for a month, unlike the other records on this list, so may get bored of it yet.

2. My Bloody Valentine – Loveless

I discovered this in March, on the back of the reunion hype and it made my listening year. Ironic since the live show nearly destroyed my hearing. Never take a macho approach to ear-plugs.

3. Deerhoof - Offend Maggie

This is the first Deerhoof album I've heard. Other people seem underwhelmed by it, but I think it's great, especially 'My Purple Past'. I quite like her stupid child voice as well. Much more so than Joanna Newsom. Amazing drum sound, drum fans.

4. Man Man - Rabbit Habits

Saw Man Man do a great show at ATP this year. Unfortunately left it early to catch the underwhelming show by my number 5 choice. This album has so much life and sense of fun, that it gives me more of a lift than any number of tic-tacs. And right in the middle of the xylophone and trombone vaudeville mayhem, there's Doo Right, a wonderful throaty love song.

5. Vampire Weekend

Well it's on everyone else's lists so it MUST be good. Right?

As a friend put it, Vampire Weekend are the Kula Shaker of 2008.

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I hope that's enriched your experiences of those records, and just maybe opened some doors you might never have even found. Just a guy trying to make a difference.

Bigger than Jesus

Thought you might like to see our google analytics for this site over the last month or so. Pretty impressive. If this represented a person, that person would be dead.

OFFICIAL Christmas card 2008