Monday, 22 December 2008


Morning. For those who didn't make it down last Thursday, here's what pop zine Artrocker thought about it:

"The Patio Set finish up with an uncompromising set of hardcore tunes. The band are dedicated to unpredictability; one minute parading pretty guitar lines and the next drilling deep into the venue floor with tough, remorseless riffs.

Songs such as 'Highgate Owl Nightmare' pull off the trick of inviting you in, only to stomp on your brains with heaviness. It may be tough love, but once you accept that you'll probably have tinnitus for the rest of your life, the hyperactivity is truly addictive."

Bet you wish you'd come now. No tinnitus for you.

And for memorabilia fans, here's our set list from the night:

Thursday, 18 December 2008

A seasonal message from Sir Michael Ram - Director of Patio Industries

My dear colleagues

What a terrific year it's been for Patio Industries.

The company has enjoyed sustained growth in all markets quarter-on-quarter for the first time in its history, so I’d like to take this opportunity to look back on 2008 and everything that happened.

The year started well with Kinky Ringtone’s unforgettable single Don’t Stop the Music; it Isn’t All That Late By Most People’s Standards, Especially for a Saturday storming clubs from Shoreditch High Street to Old Street. This generated some much-needed publicity for the label and gave us our first underground hit since The Bipolar Bears’ track No Ecstasy (You’re Not My Brother; I’ve Never Met You Before) way back in the 3rd summer of love, 1998.

Spring saw the much-anticipated release of The Gay Deceivers’ Best Of compilation, reminding us of gems such as Shit Ur Titz Off, It’s the Gay Deceivers!!! and Peter. With 2008 being such a big year for reunion tours, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before we can coax the boys back together. I heard that Davy Gay’s cheese crop failed this year, so he may need those nostalgia dollars! Just kidding, Davy’s doing fine.

On a personal note, this year also saw the birth of my first child, back in July. I’m pleased to say that little Sally Ram has grown into a stout young thing and with her impressive vocal chords, we’ll make a screamo-punk out of her yet! Just kidding, I would hate that.

2008 was also a big year for our label super-group The Patio Set. The brainchild of a late night on the Kahlua for me and Gary John, The Patio Set brought together members of four of our less successful acts – The Hipster Slacks, Art Deco Gecko, The Council of Despair and Sable Corndog – and pushed them through the door marked ‘Prog’. We’re very proud of what The Patio Set have achieved this year and look forward to them actually recording something sometime next year.

Last week’s Seasonal Festive Celebration at the Boom Bar rounded the year off in fine Patio Industries style, with a really stonking DJ set from Alan Allah Mode, and even a few tracks chosen by Yours Truly.

So in summary, thanks for all your hard work this year, and let’s look forward to a profitable 2009! As you know, my door is always open to those with a scheduled appointment and Sarah and I would love to see any of you for a glass of port over the holidays.

Warmest regards

Sir Michael Ram

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Drummer Patio's OFFICIAL! top 5 albums of 2008

1. TV on the Radio - Dear Science

The sound of post 9/11 urban alienation mixed with hope for a brighter future after Bush, apparently.

Or is it just some great guitar music that you can also dance to? I like this a lot, especially the line about having "the mirror call the cops" because things have got so damn nasty in the bedroom. However, I've only had it for a month, unlike the other records on this list, so may get bored of it yet.

2. My Bloody Valentine – Loveless

I discovered this in March, on the back of the reunion hype and it made my listening year. Ironic since the live show nearly destroyed my hearing. Never take a macho approach to ear-plugs.

3. Deerhoof - Offend Maggie

This is the first Deerhoof album I've heard. Other people seem underwhelmed by it, but I think it's great, especially 'My Purple Past'. I quite like her stupid child voice as well. Much more so than Joanna Newsom. Amazing drum sound, drum fans.

4. Man Man - Rabbit Habits

Saw Man Man do a great show at ATP this year. Unfortunately left it early to catch the underwhelming show by my number 5 choice. This album has so much life and sense of fun, that it gives me more of a lift than any number of tic-tacs. And right in the middle of the xylophone and trombone vaudeville mayhem, there's Doo Right, a wonderful throaty love song.

5. Vampire Weekend

Well it's on everyone else's lists so it MUST be good. Right?

As a friend put it, Vampire Weekend are the Kula Shaker of 2008.

I hope that's enriched your experiences of those records, and just maybe opened some doors you might never have even found. Just a guy trying to make a difference.

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Bigger than Jesus

Thought you might like to see our google analytics for this site over the last month or so. Pretty impressive. If this represented a person, that person would be dead.

OFFICIAL Christmas card 2008

Hey guys

Has anyone seen my wife? I swear I had her a minute ago. I was just using her and then I went in the kitchen and now I'm damned if I know where I put her.

Hang on. Where's Sean? And why are the French windows open? - it's winter for chrissakes. Is that the car starting?

Monday, 15 December 2008


Our new manager spotted playing table football, with what appears to be a lady.

Why isn't he out hustling The Man, you ask? We're wondering that too.


Come to my sweet melody

We're on at 10.30. The other bands are good. It's a club night until 2am.

Friday, 5 December 2008

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Gig at 333 this Friday 5th December

We're playing upstairs in that room at 333 on Friday. Our scheduled time of playing is 21:45.

If you want to get in cheaper follow this link and print out the flyer, bring it to the gig and show it to the person working the door.

Some of may've forgotten what we look like or if you're remotely interested, here's a few picture's of our faces taken whilst we were recording our demo the other week. The songs from these very productive and fulfilling recordings can now be found on our myspace.

Season’s greetings,


Tuesday, 2 December 2008

This this this this

This is good


GrayF Juan

Friday, 28 November 2008

Why don't you let off some steam (William) Bennet?

Mr Whitehouse has done a good with this new AfroNoise business. It's my hot-tip for the Xmas no.1.



Tuesday, 25 November 2008


It's a lot funnier when the third frame isn't missing.

Red Meat

I'd forgotten how funny this was

Monday, 17 November 2008


In order for you to get into our gig at 229 this Wednesday 19th November on the cheap, print off this work of art and show it to the human working the door.

Thursday, 6 November 2008

Company philosophy

As Patio Industries employees, we are quick to extend our full co-operation, courtesy and professionalism to Clients and colleagues alike. We are responsive to requests for input and information, thereby maximising the quality and value of our Clients' investments.

Patio people are:

Responsive to customers.

and focus relentlessly on delivering results ...

Monday, 3 November 2008





Monday, 13 October 2008

Animated GIF | Inaction

Well that didn't work. Those pictures should be little animations, but apparently this blog can't handle that. So you'll basically have to guess what the end result will be and vote on whether you prefer the word "wave" or "vomit". You have three seconds...
We chose Vomit. See for the animated version. Best leave it a few days due to laziness.

Democracy | Inaction

AUDIENCE! we have an exciting Patio Set vote for you. One of the two following designs will become the new Patio Set myspace profile picture, and YOU can choose which one. I have no idea how you will do this. Leave a comment, I guess. You have ten minutes to vote "Wave" or "Vomit". GO!

Thursday, 9 October 2008


Yes, we've got a gig tomorrow night at The Water Rats in Kings Cross - LONDON, again. It's not the first time we've played here but it is the first time we've played here on a Friday night!

We're on at 11pm. We're playing with a bunch of other bands. I think we're second to last. Or main support. Basically, the best slot in the whole evening.

Cum along.


Tuesday, 30 September 2008


Hey Guys,

Don't you think we should all buy purity rings?



Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Water Rats August 08

Some lovely snaps


Yep, we've got a gig on the 19th November. It's going to be at the 229 club on Great Portland Street, which is near Great Portland Street tube station, in LONDON. It's with Club Fanadango. Here's some information from their informative website.

We're going to be headlining so this may mean a later night than usual for some of you reserved types.


Tuesday, 16 September 2008

The Earwax Radio Set


Underground (by which we mean unpopular) internet radio station Earwax Radio have kindly played one of our songs on their show this week.

We are the opening number, so you don't have to look far for it, and amusingly the ident makes it sound as though it's The Rumble Strips, not us.

You can also hear the song on our myspace, but it's fun listening to it this way, with people talking over the introduction. Who needs the introduction anyway? Boring.


Friday, 12 September 2008

Hi there, we thought we'd compile a small collection of fan pix from around the world.

Here's Ian Mckaye, singer from Fugazi, and a big fan of the band. His favorite song is Castration.

Here is quiet Kevin Shields, wearing one of our caps. Kevin has been a fan since 2008, and his favorite member is Sean.

Steady on, Steve! I'm sure the cap is enough. Don't you think?

He might be secretive about his own music, but that doesn't stop Jandek from telling everyone about his favorite band

Friday, 5 September 2008


Courtesy of Hazel Taylor off of our school:

How many incompetent musicians does it take to put up a mic stand?

Cousin it

The charisma

Band of the damned

With our host the lovely Richard

You can take them out of Medway... (Lauren, Hazel and Ross)

Back at the FAC! (whack)

In the tradition of flogging a dead horse, we're back off to the Rhythm Factory next Sat 13th September. There's more info about the line-up here: The chap from Deep Cut is the bassist in Death in Vegas if that's of interest.

No idea when we'll be on, but we'll let you know.

Please print off a flyer for £4 entry. Bargain.

w/Pete Doherty

It all comes down to ratios. Last night we had them right for the first time. Like most bands just starting out, we rely on friends and friends of friends to make up our audience. Who else is going to come? So the ratio of known to unknown fans is at best 50:50, at worst around 40:10. Last night it was a magnificent estimated 6:250!

We supported Pete Doherty at the Rhythm Factory. There was a barrier to keep back the throng. There was a throng. Some people danced and jumped about. The ends of songs were greeted not just with clapping and low whistles, but with cheering. Our cds were snapped up and there weren't enough for demand.

So, despite the fact he has no idea he did it, we're pretty grateful to P.DididdyOherty for giving us our first shot of playing a big(ish) crowd. In fact it was ace promoter Vis the Spoon who gave us the shot, but had Pete not decided to play these low key gigs, the opportunity wouldn't have been there anyway. So thanks Pete, thanks Vis the Spoon, and may it be the foundation on which a spectacular patio is laid.

PS Photos to follow